Cotton Candy Larry Land

The last couple of weeks I've been trying to get in shape. Gotta lose some of the beauty fat I've been holding onto! I've been getting lots of looks from the babes lately, but not the good kind. I think my determination to lose some poundage came the day I met Larry.
Three weeks ago I was taking a little jog down the beach to the cotton candy stand when I tripped over this sea turtle and landed on Larry's chest. He let out a screech like I usually do when my coin purse hits the cold parts of the ocean. It was obvious he was hurt, so I quickly got up and made sure he was still conscious. To my surprise the little guy had been knocked out completely, maybe even dead!
My years of special forces training sprung into action and I began CPR. I began pounding on his chest and than blowing air into his mouth when he suddenly sputtered to life. I was holding his head in my hand saying,

“Dude! Dude! You ok?”
And that's when it happened. With his eyes squinting and the sun most likely in his eyes, I heard the words that made me know I had to get rid of this shape and get a new one. He barely whispered to me,
“Chris Farley? What are you doing here?”
Needless to say I wasn't in the mood for cotton candy anymore. I got up, dropped Larry from my arms and took a seat on what is now the sea turtle I killed. I put my head in my hands and could smell the BBQ sauce on my fingers from lunch. Right before I almost let myself cry, I stood up, threw my BBQ rib stained fist in the air and yelled. I was so emotionally distraught I didn't really yell anything in particular, but it was the war cry I needed to get my self going. I started jogging again and went right by the cotton candy stand and into the local health spa.
As for Larry, he's out there somewhere, probably with multiple fractures and contusions, but I think he would be proud to know he inspired me to get back in shape. Here's to Larry and his concave chest. Thanks Bro!

Surf hard, but never naked,

Saving Private Pip

Wow, I practically forgot I had a blog! Thought I would get on here and enlighten you on one of my most recent boarding adventures. Just last Tuesday, I had finished surfing with Philip, I call him Pip. Anyway, Pip and I were standing on the beach chatting, when this dude comes up and start talking with Pip and asking him about his board. It seemed normal at first, but then I started to get weirded out by the guy.

Being in the special forces for such a long time, I started to get all these crazy thoughts that he was a spy or trying to create a diversion from something going on elsewhere on the beach. Just like that, the dude unbuckled his life preserve and started to reach inside.

With lighting reflexes, I began to work on instinct and adrenaline alone. I pushed Pip out of any immediate danger, performed a barrel role and threw sand in the guys face. Blinded, I tackled him, putting him a lateral vascular neck restraint. A few moments later Pip rushed over and told me to let go of his cousin Raymond. Turned out the guy only had an itch.

Man was I embarrassed, but at least I know I've still got it. I guess little Ray-Ray, as I like to call him now, was just lucky I didn't have my gun on me that day. Anyway, until next time.






This actually looks like Pip and Ray-Ray except not indian and blonde hair instead of black, oh and less muscle more stringy.









Surf hard, but never naked,