The last couple of weeks I've been trying to get in shape. Gotta lose some of the beauty fat I've been holding onto! I've been getting lots of looks from the babes lately, but not the good kind. I think my determination to lose some poundage came the day I met Larry.
Three weeks ago I was taking a little jog down the beach to the cotton candy stand when I tripped over this sea turtle and landed on Larry's chest. He let out a screech like I usually do when my coin purse hits the cold parts of the ocean. It was obvious he was hurt, so I quickly got up and made sure he was still conscious. To my surprise the little guy had been knocked out completely, maybe even dead!
My years of special forces training sprung into action and I began CPR. I began pounding on his chest and than blowing air into his mouth when he suddenly sputtered to life. I was holding his head in my hand saying,
And that's when it happened. With his eyes squinting and the sun most likely in his eyes, I heard the words that made me know I had to get rid of this shape and get a new one. He barely whispered to me,
“Chris Farley? What are you doing here?”
Needless to say I wasn't in the mood for cotton candy anymore. I got up, dropped Larry from my arms and took a seat on what is now the sea turtle I killed. I put my head in my hands and could smell the BBQ sauce on my fingers from lunch. Right before I almost let myself cry, I stood up, threw my BBQ rib stained fist in the air and yelled. I was so emotionally distraught I didn't really yell anything in particular, but it was the war cry I needed to get my self going. I started jogging again and went right by the cotton candy stand and into the local health spa.
As for Larry, he's out there somewhere, probably with multiple fractures and contusions, but I think he would be proud to know he inspired me to get back in shape. Here's to Larry and his concave chest. Thanks Bro!
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